Man sues Duke for bracket lossTouche, Boobs Allison.
By Boobs Allison
John Matthews, Trinity '69, is suing the University for emotional damage and conspiracy after the men's basketball team's loss to West Virginia, putting him at the bottom of his NCAA bracket pool.
The suit was announced on JuicyCampus.com in a thread entitled, "What does a bracket disaster look like?"
Readers rated the thread 88-percent juicy.
Suits were rumored last week when John Burnedout, vice president for government affairs and public relations, announced that the University had added literary attorney Atticus Finch to its legal team.
"A lot of people said it couldn't be done, because [Finch] is fictional. And over-qualified. It's really unprecedented," he said. "We're prepared to defend the University vigorously in this matter, by way of seances and memoranda."
Duke's attorneys filed a motion Friday saying that Mathews had broken state bar rules in publicizing his suit and called for JuicyCampus to be shut down.
Burnedout said the details of the University's legal strategy were a secret that many wouldn't understand.
Duke Students for a Moral Duke President Ben T. Jarry, a super-senior, said Duke's motion was actually a thinly-veiled aspect of Laurence "Of Arabia" Vendetta's "secret file" to have a post removed that criticized the West Campus Plaza and veganism.
"I have been told by a number of sources, including members of the Board of Trustees, that Duke is screwed," Jarry said. "Oh wait- can I go off the record? I'm not sure I can say that," he said.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
April Fools Day Chronicle
The Chronicle front page today featured a number of April Fools Day stories. We aren't sure if they are available online, but one of them was quite well done and worth reprinting. Ken Larrey agrees they got his number. Here it is: